Thursday, April 24, 2008

A Little Gossip

It has been very, very quiet in the teen department lately. We usually slow down for a few weeks in March, but it picks up again in the beginning of April. Thus far, it hasn't picked up again. People are being quiet, polite, and friendly, all of which are enjoyable at work but don't really make it easy to snark.

Prior to our quiet time, I was receiving a lot of those special threats and annoying statements that library patrons are so good at. I've also had quite a few of those questions that prove that the statement "There are no stupid questions - just stupid people" is absolutely true. I believe I've mentioned before that one of the hardest parts of my job is keeping my mouth shut and not letting my sarcastic answers out. Luckily, I can let them all out here.

My favorites:

The patron: "Do you have any books?"
What I want to say: "No - all of those things on the shelves around you are just props."

The patron: "I'm going to tell my mom/dad/grandma on you!"
What I want to say: "Awesome! I'd love to talk to them about how you make out with your girlfriend in the bathroom."

The patron: "I pay your salary!"
What I want to say: "Actually, our library gets less than 50% of our funding through tax money, and of that, your personal tax dollars probably account for about 12 cents. I'll happily refund your 12 cents if you shut the hell up and go away.

The patron: "No wonder nobody comes here!"
What I want to say: "So the 45 people in the teen department are all figments of my imagination?"

The patron: "I'm never coming back!"
When they say it: When they're getting escorted out for misbehaving.
What I want to say: So...I'll see you tomorrow, then?


Anonymous said...

I work in a school. I've actually seen a principal hand an obnoxious parent the 12 cents. "There's your refund. Johnny is still suspended."

Snarky Librarian said...

That principal is my new hero. That's frickin awesome!

Anonymous said...

My all-time favorite is a patron asking me "Do you work here?", when they can clearly see I'm at a reference desk. After several times hearing that I would say:
"No, I just like to come here and sit at THIS desk".

Tiny Little Librarian said...

"I'm never coming back" is so hilarious. My mental answer is always "GOOD!!!"

I once calculated that our city's taxpayers pay for about one quarter of one hardcover. So that's a bit up from twelve cents, but still not my salary.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Where have you been? I miss your clever commentary.