I Don't Know the Year I Was Born!

I love it when teens try to scam me, mostly because they're almost always incredibly bad at it, but they think they're the most clever and intelligent person ever. Tonight was apparently the night for attempted scams, as I had several enjoyable moments.

A young man came in and asked to use a computer. When we looked him up in our circulation computer, we discovered that he was only 11. Kids need to be 13 to use the teen area, so we told him to go to the Children's Department. I then had the following conversation with the kid.

"I'm thirteen!"
"According to your computer record, you're only eleven. When's your birthday?"
"August something, 1994"
"Well, that would make you twelve, not thirteen."
"No! 2007 minus 1994 makes 13. I'm thirteen."
"You'll be 13 in August if you were born in 1994."
"Oh - I meant I was born in 1995. I mean 1993. No, wait!"
He didn't get a computer.

I had another kid swear to me that he had already paid his fines, a girl who tried to convince me that she was her sister (despite the fact that her sister is a volunteer, and thus very well known to me), and a boy who told me that his mother was an invalid and couldn't come in to sign the paper to get him internet permission. This was my favorite, as approximately 2 minutes later his "invalid" mother appeared behind him and said "Boy, I told you you wasn't getting no Internet, so stop lyin' to the lady!" before dragging him away.

I managed to not laugh until I had reached my office, which I think really deserves some kind of prize.

Chillin out, Maxin', Relaxin' All Cool

Some days, the teens who come into the library make me want to tear out my hair. Other days, they just make me want to laugh hysterically. Today I spent a lot of time fluctuating between those two states.

We have one kid who owes $53 on his library card. Ordinarily, people have to pay 25% of their fines before using the computers, but with kids and teens, we often set up payment plans with them instead of making them pay the entire amount at once. So this kid only needs to pay $2.00 to use the computers. A good deal, right?

So why do I have to remind this kid every time I see him about our deal? I think it's because he's trying to see if smoke will actually come out of my ears after the 12th time I tell him that, yes, he has to pay $2.00 every time he comes in. And no, I won't loan him $2.00, and neither will anyone on my staff, and if he continues to ask the other patrons, I'll have to ask him to leave.

At the other end of the spectrum, two of our regulars decided to break into a thrilling dance routine as we were attempting to herd them out of the building at closing time. It sort of looked like the Carlton Dance from "Fresh Prince of Bel Air," and it was accompanied by an off-key rendition of the "Fresh Prince" theme song. So I got to finish my night with a nice laugh.

Of course, now the "Fresh Prince" song is stuck in my head.