When I'm working at the desk in the teen area, or in my office with the door open, I often hear teens carrying out "private" conversations. I put private in quotes because these conversations are often carried out at the level of a shout, despite the fact that other people are less than two feet away. Some of my favorite conversations from yesterday....
Guy to Girl: Let's go somewhere else. All these books make me feel dumb.
Girl to Guy: Ain't the books that make you seem dumb.
Guy: What's that mean?
Girl: You dumb!
Girl on Cellphone: Girl, if that rat's still in my house when I get home I'm letting the cat have it. **pause** I don't care if it's your pet, get rid of it!
Guy to Girl: Why you gotta be so mean? You know I love you!
Girl: Dude, you're my cousin.
My personal favorite overheard conversation EVER. First, a bit of background. We often have spontaneous craft days in the teen area when it's particularly busy or when the teens seem especially bored. One of the favorite activities is bead jewelry making. We put out stretchy cord and a variety of beads and let them have at it - some of them are amazingly talented and make beautiful pieces; others make things that are less attractive but everyone has fun.
During one of these events, a group of regulars sat down. These kids are between the ages of 13 and 14 and desperately want everyone to believe that they're gangstas. Real gangstas laugh at them, so they spend their time talking tough in the library.
Since they spend so much time trying to act tough, it was something of a surprise to see them happily making bracelets with hemp and alphabet beads. The ringleader of the group approached his friends, and the following conversation took place:
Ringleader: C'mon, yo. Let's go!
Beading Guy: Just a minute, I gotta finish this.
Ringleader: Man, what are you doing? You makin a bracelet?
Beading Guy: Yeah. Wanna make one?
Ringleader: Man, that's not gangsta!
Beading Guy: It's fun.
Second Beading Guy: Yeah, sit down and make something.
Ringleader: That's not gangsta, yo! Come on!
His friends ignore him
Ringleader: How we gonna be gangsta if you be makin a bracelet, yo?
Snarky Librarian (Chokes hysterical laughter into a cough)
Ringleader (sitting down): They got any purple?
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
The Calm Before the Storm?
This week has been ridiculously quiet. All of the teens at the library were well-behaved and friendly. One of our regulars brought me a picture she'd drawn because she thought I'd enjoy it. Another volunteered to help cut things, while yet another turned off the computers each night and helped organize and straighten the room before he left.
I'm not really sure how to handle this. Are they all planning something horrible for the future? Have they all been secretly replaced by aliens? Is it some elaborate April Fools prank that has gone on too long?
I'm so confused.
I'm not really sure how to handle this. Are they all planning something horrible for the future? Have they all been secretly replaced by aliens? Is it some elaborate April Fools prank that has gone on too long?
I'm so confused.
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Annoying Customers: The Broken Parrot
Some members of my staff and I were talking about our least favorite customers, and I realized that most of the kids who annoy us can be broken down into a few types. I also realized that for most of the kids, I am actually less annoyed than amused, and that the hardest part of my job is keeping a straight face when they go off onto their rants.
Anyway, for today.....the Broken Parrot.
The Broken Parrot is almost always a girl between the ages of 13 and 15. She usually has an elaborate hairdo, frequently a weave or extensions, and nearly always has large hoop earrings, too much makeup, and long claw-like acrylic nails. The Broken Parrot is nearly always trailed by two or more friends who say nothing.
The main characteristic of the Broken Parrot is that she never says anything original, just repeats instructions or conversations of others in a loud, mocking voice, while changing instructions given to her into questions aimed at someone else. For example....
Staff: There are only two people allowed at each computer. Please find something else to do.
Broken Parrot: What if I don't want to find something else to do? Why don't you find something else to do?
Staff: If you don't go sit down, you'll be asked to leave.
BP: What if I don't want to sit down? Why don't you go sit down?
S: It's time for you to leave now.
BP: What if I don't want to leave? Why don't you leave?
S: You need to leave, or I'll call someone to escort you out.
BP: Why don't you get escorted out?
By this time, we're into the hardest part of my job....not responding in kind. I always have an intense desire to begin mocking the girl by either repeating everything she says, or just laughing in her face. I don't do either, of course, but sometimes it's a hard battle to win.
Next time: The Wannabe Gangsta!
Anyway, for today.....the Broken Parrot.
The Broken Parrot is almost always a girl between the ages of 13 and 15. She usually has an elaborate hairdo, frequently a weave or extensions, and nearly always has large hoop earrings, too much makeup, and long claw-like acrylic nails. The Broken Parrot is nearly always trailed by two or more friends who say nothing.
The main characteristic of the Broken Parrot is that she never says anything original, just repeats instructions or conversations of others in a loud, mocking voice, while changing instructions given to her into questions aimed at someone else. For example....
Staff: There are only two people allowed at each computer. Please find something else to do.
Broken Parrot: What if I don't want to find something else to do? Why don't you find something else to do?
Staff: If you don't go sit down, you'll be asked to leave.
BP: What if I don't want to sit down? Why don't you go sit down?
S: It's time for you to leave now.
BP: What if I don't want to leave? Why don't you leave?
S: You need to leave, or I'll call someone to escort you out.
BP: Why don't you get escorted out?
By this time, we're into the hardest part of my job....not responding in kind. I always have an intense desire to begin mocking the girl by either repeating everything she says, or just laughing in her face. I don't do either, of course, but sometimes it's a hard battle to win.
Next time: The Wannabe Gangsta!
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
I Don't Know the Year I Was Born!
I love it when teens try to scam me, mostly because they're almost always incredibly bad at it, but they think they're the most clever and intelligent person ever. Tonight was apparently the night for attempted scams, as I had several enjoyable moments.
A young man came in and asked to use a computer. When we looked him up in our circulation computer, we discovered that he was only 11. Kids need to be 13 to use the teen area, so we told him to go to the Children's Department. I then had the following conversation with the kid.
"I'm thirteen!"
"According to your computer record, you're only eleven. When's your birthday?"
"August something, 1994"
"Well, that would make you twelve, not thirteen."
"No! 2007 minus 1994 makes 13. I'm thirteen."
"You'll be 13 in August if you were born in 1994."
"Oh - I meant I was born in 1995. I mean 1993. No, wait!"
He didn't get a computer.
I had another kid swear to me that he had already paid his fines, a girl who tried to convince me that she was her sister (despite the fact that her sister is a volunteer, and thus very well known to me), and a boy who told me that his mother was an invalid and couldn't come in to sign the paper to get him internet permission. This was my favorite, as approximately 2 minutes later his "invalid" mother appeared behind him and said "Boy, I told you you wasn't getting no Internet, so stop lyin' to the lady!" before dragging him away.
I managed to not laugh until I had reached my office, which I think really deserves some kind of prize.
A young man came in and asked to use a computer. When we looked him up in our circulation computer, we discovered that he was only 11. Kids need to be 13 to use the teen area, so we told him to go to the Children's Department. I then had the following conversation with the kid.
"I'm thirteen!"
"According to your computer record, you're only eleven. When's your birthday?"
"August something, 1994"
"Well, that would make you twelve, not thirteen."
"No! 2007 minus 1994 makes 13. I'm thirteen."
"You'll be 13 in August if you were born in 1994."
"Oh - I meant I was born in 1995. I mean 1993. No, wait!"
He didn't get a computer.
I had another kid swear to me that he had already paid his fines, a girl who tried to convince me that she was her sister (despite the fact that her sister is a volunteer, and thus very well known to me), and a boy who told me that his mother was an invalid and couldn't come in to sign the paper to get him internet permission. This was my favorite, as approximately 2 minutes later his "invalid" mother appeared behind him and said "Boy, I told you you wasn't getting no Internet, so stop lyin' to the lady!" before dragging him away.
I managed to not laugh until I had reached my office, which I think really deserves some kind of prize.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Chillin out, Maxin', Relaxin' All Cool
Some days, the teens who come into the library make me want to tear out my hair. Other days, they just make me want to laugh hysterically. Today I spent a lot of time fluctuating between those two states.
We have one kid who owes $53 on his library card. Ordinarily, people have to pay 25% of their fines before using the computers, but with kids and teens, we often set up payment plans with them instead of making them pay the entire amount at once. So this kid only needs to pay $2.00 to use the computers. A good deal, right?
So why do I have to remind this kid every time I see him about our deal? I think it's because he's trying to see if smoke will actually come out of my ears after the 12th time I tell him that, yes, he has to pay $2.00 every time he comes in. And no, I won't loan him $2.00, and neither will anyone on my staff, and if he continues to ask the other patrons, I'll have to ask him to leave.
At the other end of the spectrum, two of our regulars decided to break into a thrilling dance routine as we were attempting to herd them out of the building at closing time. It sort of looked like the Carlton Dance from "Fresh Prince of Bel Air," and it was accompanied by an off-key rendition of the "Fresh Prince" theme song. So I got to finish my night with a nice laugh.
Of course, now the "Fresh Prince" song is stuck in my head.
We have one kid who owes $53 on his library card. Ordinarily, people have to pay 25% of their fines before using the computers, but with kids and teens, we often set up payment plans with them instead of making them pay the entire amount at once. So this kid only needs to pay $2.00 to use the computers. A good deal, right?
So why do I have to remind this kid every time I see him about our deal? I think it's because he's trying to see if smoke will actually come out of my ears after the 12th time I tell him that, yes, he has to pay $2.00 every time he comes in. And no, I won't loan him $2.00, and neither will anyone on my staff, and if he continues to ask the other patrons, I'll have to ask him to leave.
At the other end of the spectrum, two of our regulars decided to break into a thrilling dance routine as we were attempting to herd them out of the building at closing time. It sort of looked like the Carlton Dance from "Fresh Prince of Bel Air," and it was accompanied by an off-key rendition of the "Fresh Prince" theme song. So I got to finish my night with a nice laugh.
Of course, now the "Fresh Prince" song is stuck in my head.
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