Nice Work if You Can Get It

I'm stealing an idea from the Annoyed Librarian (can you tell I'm an AL fangirl?) with this one. Occasionally she does a "library jobs that suck" feature, so when the following came through my inbox a few weeks ago, I first thought of sending it on to her. However, since I'm trying to post more frequently, I decided that I should just keep it myself. This was sent out on a state-wide mailing list - I've removed identifying information, but otherwise kept it exactly the same as when I first received it.

To: PAMAILALL@hslc.org
Subject: Part time Circulation Technician Position

The ****** Library is seeking an individual to fill a challenging and unique part-time position. A qualified candidate must possess computer knowledge and excellent communication skills. Experience with volunteer management, library circulation and fund-raising highly desired.

Responsibilities of the Position:

• Create monthly and yearly reports as required
• Train, recruit and schedule library volunteers
• Train, schedule and supervise library pages
• Oversee operation of the circulation desk
• Create and Manage Patron’s library cards/accounts
• Handle additional library projects as needed
• Assist with library programming, scheduling, recruiting, designing, and promoting programs
• Assist the library with fundraising; book sales etc.
• Ability to handle difficult situations or patrons with diplomacy.
• Manage requests for interlibrary loan materials
• Maintain order on library bookshelves
• Create monthly book displays

Particulars:

• 25 hours per week
• 20 hours vacation per year
• Reports to the Director
• Starting wages $10.00 per hour
• Some evening and weekend hours required

Jobs like this piss me off. Clearly they need a full-time manager for the circulation desk, but they're too cheap to fork out for benefits. The cost of living in Pennsylvania is low enough that the $10.00/hour actually isn't horrible for a non-professional position (I started at slightly less - of course, that was nearly 10 years ago). But taking on scheduling, managing staff and volunteers, programming, shelving, and everything else for 25 hours per week? Unless the library is incredibly rural (which it isn't), I just can't see why anyone would take it.

But do you know what really pisses me off? Somebody will take that job. And all of the other crappy, low-paying jobs that are offered up. And when those of us who refuse to work crappy jobs for $10.00/hour and no benefits try to push for better salaries, we're laughed out of the room. I'm lucky - I'm fairly specialized, and not afraid to move, so I feel fairly confident that I'll never again have to work a crap job (I also have the advantages of a partner, no kids, and good health). But I also know a lot of young, passionate, enthusiastic people who would love to work in a library, but whose desire to pay their bills wins out. And that's pitiful.

Hmm...this is actually more ranty than snarky. I'm gathering some more "overheard conversations," so we'll be back to snark later this week (or next week....or next month....or July 2009....you know, whenever I get around to the next post).

Weed Got Me Crazy

Sometimes I read stories about people who call the police after their drugs were stolen, or who get pulled over for speeding while they're transporting mass quantities of cocaine, and I wonder "how can people be that dumb?" So it was with surprise that I had the following encounter last week.

One of our regular customers came up, looking really stressed out. After a few moments of casual conversation, he asked if he could speak to me privately. We went into my office.

Me: "What's up?"
Him (mumbling): "Um, I think I lost something."
Me: "Okay, can you describe it for me?"
Him: "Um...it's, like, a baggie. With, um, some green stuff."
Me: "What?"
Him: "Um, it kinda looks like oregano."
Me: "Are you actually asking me if someone turned in your marijuana?"
Him: "No!" He looked at the ceiling. "Um, did they?"
Me: "I really couldn't return illegal drugs if someone turned them in."
Him: "What? Why?"
At a complete loss for words, I stared at him for a few seconds.
Him: "Um, just kidding! Ha ha ha!"(runs out of the office)

I have to wonder - did he honestly think that I would hand him a bag of marijuana? I suppose it's nice that he trusts me, but in what universe is it okay to ask the librarian if someone turned in your weed?

Incidentally, someone did turn in the weed later that day, and we tossed it in the trash can.

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

Wow, so it's been a million years since last I posted. So how's everything going for everyone? Good? Great!

The teen department serves between 50 and 80 people on an average school day, and between 100 and 120 people on an average school holiday or summer day. We generally have to ask 1 or 2 people to leave because they're breaking our rules on a school day, and 4 or 5 people to leave on a holiday or summer day - which means that approximately 2 or 3% of the people in our department are behaving so poorly that they need to leave the library - which also means that 97 or 98% of all people are behaving fantastically and causing no problems whatsoever.

So why is it that we remember the 2% so much better than the 98%? Honestly, there are kids who come in every day whose names I don't know, but I sure know the "bad kids," the ones we talk to constantly and ask to leave frequently. Is it part of the general human tendency to remember the bad stuff?

Anyway, the purpose of this post isn't to start thinking philosophically about why we remember the annoying kids, it's to discuss some of my favorite excuses. When kids are asked to leave, they generally come up with some reason why they shouldn't actually have to leave. Some of my favorites....

"But I didn't do it." This is by far the most common excuse. It doesn't matter if I watched them do whatever it was, they'll still claim that somehow my eyes were mistaken.

"He or she made me do it!"

"Come on, give me one more chance!" If you're being asked to leave, you've already had a minimum of three chances (unless someone does something really egregious, like threating staff or starting a fight, we give three warnings before asking anyone to leave).

"You're not my mom! You can't tell me what to do!" No, I'm not your mom, and I'm very grateful for that fact. However, I can tell you what to do when you're in this building. Which you won't be, shortly.

"I can't leave because my mom is upstairs." Your mom's upstairs? Great! Let's go talk to her. I'd be happy to explain that you were smoking pot in the bathroom/making out with your significant other on the sofa/screaming loudly/doing backflips/whatever it was. Oh, she left? How surprising.

"He started it!" It's possible that this one is true some of the time. However, no matter what he said to you, picking up a table and threatening to hit him with it is not an appropriate way to deal with your problems.

"I have to stay with my cousin/brother/friend." Is this the same cousin/brother/friend that you've been ignoring for the past 2 hours? There's a bench outside that you can sit on while you wait. I'll even let you take a book or magazine to keep yourself entertained.

"You always pick on me!" No, no I don't. You continually break the rules.

"I can't get back into my house because I don't have a key." That's very unfortunate. I'd be happy to let you call someone to let you back into the house, but you still need to leave. If you can't get in touch with someone, you can wait on the bench outside until someone comes to pick you up.

"But I need to do my homework!" You've been here for 3 hours using myspace and youtube between times of running around, flirting, and yelling. Perhaps you should have done your homework first.

The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage

A post over at the Annoyed Librarian about the upcoming book of Free for All: Oddballs, Geeks and Gangstas in the Public Library sparked a great set of comments here. Before I continue, I just have to say that I love the Annoyed Librarian. I love her writing style, and I agree with many (not all - I'm still thinking through the big discussion that's taken place over there about the purpose of the library) of her positions regarding the ALA and the library universe. As with most of the blogs I read, it's possible that I actually enjoy reading the comments even more than the entries themselves. This is probably because the Annoyed Librarian is intelligent and well-written, but several of the comments....aren't. Which leads me back to the point of this post. One of the commenters over at AL stated: "However, if your kids weren't in the public library, where would they be? In their violent public schools? In dangerous mass transit? Trolling a mall (unsupervised)? At least we provide some protection against perverts and criminals."

Really? Really? I knew librarians weren't necessarily the best at PR, but come on. That's the best you can come up with? My brain translates that statement "Yes, the library is crappy. But hey, at least we're LESS CRAPPY than the Metro or the mall!"

So I started thinking - what other fun ways can we advertise the library? I'd like to propose making posters and billboards that say things like:

Come to the library! It's better than....
....Supermax prison
....having a cat scratch your eye
....getting food poisoning
....hanging out with the crack heads down by the river
....Wal-Mart on Black Friday
....the middle school cafeteria on chili day
....churches where you have to handle live rattlesnakes
....the bathroom on a Greyhound
....Guantanamo Bay

I'm sure I could continue, but I won't. Anybody else have any ideas?

All the Small Things

Over the past week or so, my department has been going on one of our semi-annual binges where we clean and organize everything in the office. J, my fabulous assistant, actually does a lot of cleaning and organizing on a regular basis, but every few months she goes through the dozens of boxes that we have in the office, puts all of the craft supplies, prizes, random papers, leftover books, and assorted junk into some type of logical order, and labels everything. During her mad cleaning spree this time, J discovered that for some unknown reason, we have no fewer than 5 "lost and found" boxes, including one that was clearly left from last winter (it contains coats and gloves). We've been having a lot of fun digging through them.

My staff members are often surprised by the things that they find in the lost and found box, asking themselves how our customers can be so careless. I am also surprised by the bizarre things that wind up in the box, but for two reasons. Although you'd think I would be immune to the carelessness of teens, I still do not understand how one forgets a winter coat when it's below freezing, a single shoe, or an ipod. The second reason I am surprised is that in order for something to get in the lost and found box, a member of my staff has to pick it up, put a label with the date on it, carry it into the office, and put it in the designated area.

What we've found so far....

Several textbooks.
A single shoe.
Several pieces of jewelry.
3 winter coats.
A pair of pantyhose.
The aforementioned ipod.
A rose made from duct tape (this one is pretty cool, actually, and I'm going to keep it on my desk).
A garage door opener.
Several sets of keys.
A cat teaser.
Half a pack of gum.
2 cell phones.
Various types of sporting equipment.
A switchblade.
An opened bar of soap.
A bikini top.
$52 in cash.
Several uncashed paychecks.

We still have three boxes to go, so I'm sure there will be more random objects as the week continues.